get your hands out of my mouth...

Do you ever wonder if dentists, hygenists and assistants attempt to see how many hands they can actually get into one person's mouth...like a game they play.  I mean man, it's bad enough that they stick that dam in there (which regardless of the fact that people think I have a big mouth, is still a relatively small space) with your lips all squished up your face and your mouth held open like some kind of medieval torture, but then they've got to get there hands in there and dig around...intolerable!

I actually have a pretty high pain tolerance, but I am admittedly the biggest suck when it comes to pain in my mouth and today is no exception.  Look...I don't mind the dentist, it's actaully kind of a nice quiet place to chill out; I don't however, appreciate it when people insist on asking me open-ended questions that beg for immediate answers...come on now...can't you see that I'm trying to relax while you have your hands in my mouth; I get that they probably have a knack for understanding gibberish but I don't particularily like speaking it...unless, of course, I'm giving directions...then you can't get me to stop spewing nonsense (see post on giving bad directions)...did it again to my poor brother this evening...i just can't help myself...sorry man.

Anyway, back to the dentist, why does it cost so much? Granted, I realized today how vain I actually am about my teeth, as they replaced a massive amalgam filling with a pretty nondescript white one and I head back for a few more next week and let me tell you...they are FANCY, you can't even tell that they are there, so I suppose I just answered my own question, they are expensive because I am vain and care about how my teeth look and will pay the money...next time you see me, ask me to show you...i totally will...because that's just the way I roll.
oh and I got my swanky new laptop today...happy motha's day to me!  Merci Blaine and Sylvie...xoxoxo.

I give bad directions...

There it's finally out there...(this is obviously me talking about anything other than what I really want to drone on about...but I've said my peace and will reserve conversations about the 'beloved' for those who care and or know what I'm talking about) for now, I'll speak of directions and my inability to give them.

Today it really hit home, I was attempting to give directions to a friend, to a place that I have been, in a city I have lived in for 35 years and it was as if I rose out my body and was listening to myself give this convoluted mess of directions with these awkward pauses (I know it was because I was calculating which way was left and  right, without doing that 'L' thing with your hand...YOU know what I'm talking about, don't try to deny it), I was embarrassed for myself and yet I could not stop talking, and I realized that Blaine and the majority of my friends were right, I give REALLY bad directions.  WAY too much detail, confusion about left and right (don't you dare judge me), the anxiety that I might get it wrong and send them to an alternate dimension...so stupid I know, but I think it's actually a documented syndrome...i will soon be taking medication for it, you can be sure of that.  But seriously, what the hell, I know of which I speak and yet I could not get to you to where you wanted to go, if my life or yours depended on it. The lesson in all of this...just don't ask and you won't have to be embarrassed for me as I stutter and pause my way through giving you directions to somewhere as simple as downtown.

today it hurts to smile

no not because I had work done (although ask me again on wednesday when I will have had work done), but because my beloved ended, are beloveds allowed to end?  I thought they were timeless, all encomapssing and never-ending...i guess two out of three isn't bad. Ah LOST, you will be missed with your mindf*%kery, time-bending stories, your handsome men and beautiful kickass women (Claire, even in your state of crazy you were lovely, dirty, but lovely) Kate, I hate you as much as I love you and Sun, so tragic.  The finale made me sob recklessly in the company of friends wearing costumes and eating dharma snacks, including some polar bear cupcakes, which were delicious Erin, thank you.  I have questions, but can't seem to talk about them right now (it just hurts too much..sob)...i'll wait...i'll let them perculate...and then I will start watching all over again, and again and again...huh...maybe it can be never-ending...oh sure I know what your thinking, Claire isn't the only one that's three cups of crazy, but hey...that's just the way I roll.